Most Hilarious Quotes From Moira Rose

Moira Rose is one of the most strange, unique, and hilarious characters on television. While the entire Rose family from Schitt’s Creek brings humorous moments and distinct personalities to the screen, Moira is really a standout.

RELATED: 10 Quotes That Live Rent-Free In Every Schitt’s Creek Fan’s Head

Catherine O’Hara’s acting and the inflections she does with her voice make the lines Moira says particularly memorable. Moira’s dramatic woes about having to live in a small town and not be rich anymore are often petty but strangely relatable. It’s her quotes that heighten the show’s magic.


Updated By Amanda Bruce On March 21, 2020: With the beloved Canadian series currently airing its final season, Moira Rose has had plenty of quotes to entertain audiences on Schitt’s Creek. Though the final stretch of episodes has been emotional for fans, there’s still plenty of hilarity to go around.

Updated On October 29, 2021, By Lynn Gibbs: With seven seasons to Schitt’s Creek’s name, it’s easy to see how spectacular the writing is. Every character is incredibly relatable while also individualistic. And while every character in the series is funny in their own way, nothing is funnier than Moira Rose’s quotes. Moira’s quotes are dramatic and over the top. Her unique pronunciation of words also adds hilarity to the things she says. But with so many iconic lines, which are the best Moira Rose quotes?

She’s Ready For The Jazzagals!

“Fear Not, She Hath Reason!”

Moira welcomes everyone by saying she has risen in Schitt's Creek

In the fourth season, a rumor spread online that Moira had died. The entire town was sad by the news – including the Jazzagals. Moira’s singing group mourned her death before practice. When Moira saw her friends crying over her “death,” she gave them the ultimate greeting to prove her life: “She hath risen!”

Watching the Jazzagals learn that Moira was alive in such fashion was one of their best moments as a group.

When She Didn’t Know What An Ultrasound Picture Looked Like

“Who Put A Picture Of A Ghost On My Desk?”

Moira asks why there's a picture of a ghost on her desk in Schitt's Creek

Moira’s not the most intelligent woman in Schitt’s Creek but she is the most worldly. In one episode, Moira was surprised when she sat down at her desk to find a picture of a “ghost” at her desk. Funny enough, it wasn’t a picture of a ghost at all — it was a sonogram of a baby. As it turned out, it was an ultrasound picture of Roland and Jocelyn’s baby. The reason why it was on Moira’s desk was because Roland wanted to keep the gender of their baby a secret. Nevertheless, it resulted in this epic quote by Moira.

When Your Husband Doesn’t Communicate

“How Was I To Know You Were In Peril? You Keep Everything Inside, Like A Bashful Clam!”

Moira compares Johnny to a bashful clam during a health scare on Schitt's Creek

Moira and Johnny were one of the best couples in the series. They were eccentric but they had a close bond where they both relied on each other.

In one scene, Johnny was having some health complications and couldn’t catch his breath. He felt like he was having a heart attack. Moira was stunned by her husband’s behavior and didn’t know what to do. She couldn’t carry on without Johnny. In an attempt to shame him while also getting her point across, she referred to him as a “bashful clam.”

She Cares More About Her Wigs Than Her Kids

“If She Takes On Smoke She’ll Never Recover!”

Moira begs for Roland to save her wigs in a fie on Schitt's Creek

Moira felt like she was at her lowest when she lost out on acting jobs and landed in Schitt’s Creek without her millions. But the sheer fear on her face when her wigs were about to burn proved that that was actually her lowest point.

Roland went inside the smokey room to save her wigs. “My girls. Lorna, second from the left. If she takes on smoke she’ll never recover!” she screamed. “And Cindy! I just gave her a blowout!” It tracks that Moira would name her wigs but it was humorous watching her panic.

When Ted Gave Alexis A Turtle

“Alexis! Turtles Do Not Pets Make!”

Alexis and Moira talk about her new pet turtle on Schitt's Creek

The Roses are not the type of family to own pets. They can barely take care of themselves on top of taking care of a pet. However, at the end of Ted and Alexis’s relationship, he bought her a turtle named Ted to keep her occupied. Alexis loved her turtle but, as assumed, she kept losing it. Moira reminded Alexis that “turtles do not pets make!” which was a hilarious way of saying turtles don’t make the best pets.

Her Warning To John

“Be Careful, John. Lest You Suffer Vertigo From The Dizzying Heights Of Your Moral Ground.”

Over the course of the series, Moira has come up with some incredibly clever cut downs, even when she’s not entirely paying attention to what’s going on. This particular quote plays to the nature of much of Johnny and Moira’s interactions in Schitt’s Creek.

In ‘Presidential Suite,’ Moira was upset with Johnny for not allowing them to stay in a presidential suite for a new motel venture. To knock Johnny’s confidence off a ledge, she reminded him that he could suffer “vertigo” from his “moral ground.” As funny as this quote is, it’s one of her better pieces of advice. 

Moira Made A Real Connection To The Crows

“The Live Crows On Set Welcomed Me As One Of Their Own. One Even Tried To Mate.”

Moira For The Crows Movie In Schitts Creek

The legacy of Moira’s acting career is soap operas, cruise ships, and very strange horror movies. With The Crows Have Eyes III, Moira thinks she’s getting back into the acting game, but really, it only proves to everyone else that her acting career is on emergency life support.

RELATED: 10 Moira Rose Quotes That Prove She Is The Funniest Character

Moira isn’t entirely oblivious to that, but she still takes her craft incredibly seriously, even if it makes the audience laugh. She talked about her connection to the crows and yes, one even tried kissing her. 

It Can Be Hard To Admit One’s Faults

“I May Have Been Wrong. You May Have Been Not Wrong.”

Moira tells Alexis that she was wrong in an episode from Schitt's Creek

Moira Rose is not someone who admits defeat. If she does, it’s usually dramatic, with plenty of fanfare, and with her admitting it’s also the end of the world. When she’s genuinely thinking she’s in the wrong, she doesn’t want to say so, which is why her telling Alexis this after Alexis wanted to have a hometown premiere for Moira’s movie is perfect. ‘The Premier’ is one of Moira’s best episodes because it puts her hard work on display.

Moira might be able to begrudgingly admit her own mistake, but she hardly wants to give Alexis credit for the idea.

Moira Lives Life To The Fullest

“You Could Be Hit By A Mack Truck Or Bopped On The Head by A Tiny Piece Of Space Debris.”

Johnny And Moira In Schitts Creek Season 6 Premiere

If there’s anyone who can make a person think about the fragility of life while laughing out loud, it’s Moira Rose. She goes through a roller coaster of emotions in the season six premiere. At one point, she genuinely believes her acting career is ruined, and she’s ready to give it all up to focus on daily life in Schitt’s Creek. By the end of the episode, that’s not true. The roller coaster allows her to give us this existential gem.

After losing her job and gaining a job, Moira tells Johnny, “Who knows what will befall us tomorrow, John. You could be hit by a Mack truck or bopped on the head by a tiny piece of space debris.” This was Moira’s version of #Yolo. Regardless of her career, she and Johnny were couples goals for their constant support of one another.

When She Didn’t Know Her Daughter’s Middle Name

“Alexis…Something Rose.”

A split image of Alexis and Moira talking about her middle name on Schitt's Creek

It’s no secret that Moira isn’t winning any parenting awards. While she grows a lot over the course of the series, it’s easy to see why she and Alexis didn’t have the best relationship in the past. The pair’s mother and daughter moments were some of the best moments in the series. 

Luckily, much of what transpires between Moira and Alexis is played for laughs. Moira, who gave birth to Alexis and named her, doesn’t even remember the middle name she gave her. And Alexis doesn’t let her mom forget it. 

David & The Disgruntled Pelican

“David, Stop Acting Like A Disgruntled Pelican!”

Schitt's Creek Moira and David

As far as her parenting is concerned, it’s safe to say that Moira is pretty eccentric. While she does care about her kids, she’s also rather selfish in a lot of ways. As the series goes on, the Rose family learns how to appreciate each other more and become closer, even though they remain as over the top as ever.

In this episode from season 3, Moira accidentally sees David with a one-night stand. This prompts her to compare her son to a “disgruntled pelican” because of how awkward he was acting. This quote became an instant meme for David.

Moira And Her Relation To Lady Macbeth

“The Last Time I Felt This Emotionally Encumbered, I Was Playing Lady Macbeth…”

Moira pleads with David and compares herself to Lady Macbeth on Schitt's Creek

One of the best things about Schitt’s Creek is hearing about the past adventures and foibles of the characters. While they might be living in a small town away from a glamorous life, they still have a lot to say about those times. A reality at Rosebud Motel didn’t always make sense to Moira because she was accustomed to another way of life, but it was her new home.

Moira says this line after she feels like she killed a man at the motel. A guest asked Moira for pain medication, she denied his request and woke up to him dead in his bed. She was “emotionally encumbered” by this situation. It was something she hadn’t felt since “Lady Macbeth on a Crystal Skies cruise ship.”

Moira’s Sage Advice For Twyla

“Gossip Is The Devil’s Telephone. Best To Just Hang Up.”

Some of Moira’s advice might seem great out of context, but she doesn’t always give advice that she herself would follow. Moira isn’t one to shy away from gossip or getting involved in other people’s business if it suits her. However, this doesn’t stop her from telling Twyla to avoid gossiping herself.

The line is funnier in the context that Moira had just been gossipping herself about Alexis’ love life. Alexis’s past and love interests make her an easy target for gossip — even by her mother.

She’s Brutally Honest

“Oh, I’d Kill For A Good Coma Right Now.”

Moira sits next to John as she wishes for a deep coma on Schitt's Creek

If there’s one thing that’s true about Moira, it’s that she’s very dramatic to the point of soap opera levels. Moira is inspirational as a woman and an actress but her dramatics are probably why her children can be pretty over the top, too.

In ‘Town for Sale,’ a potential buyer for Schitt’s Creek goes into a coma before purchasing the town. This meant that the Roses were stuck in town for a little while longer. When Johnny told Moira that people did come out of comas, Moira hilariously said, “Oh, I’d kill for a good coma right now.”

Moira’s Theatrics Can Be A Touch Dramatic

“The World Is Falling Apart Around Us And I’m Dying Inside.”

Moira is at the diner with her family and tells them she's dying inside on Schitt's Creek

This is another great Moira Rose quote that can be used for many occasions. It’s a quote that matches her personality to a tee. In times of stress or anxiety, many fans have felt this dramatically. While Moira’s idea about what the world falling apart means is pretty narrow, she at least knows how to express what she is feeling.

She’s no stranger to getting her thoughts and feelings out into the world. This lack of filter is what makes her one of the best characters on the show.

She’s A Truth-Telling Mother

“What You Did Was Impulsive, Capricious, And Melodramatic.”

Moira sits outside while talking to John and David at a winery on Schitt's Creek

When Moira says this line to her children, it starts off seeming like she is scolding them for acting in these ways. But, in true Moira fashion, she’s actually proud of them for having these kinds of behaviors. This makes sense given that these personality traits are ones that she has modeled for them over the years. While she does scold them, she’s also proud of their melodramatic side and interested in honing that.

Moira said this to her son, David, after he ran away from home and hid at an Amish farm. David’s running away is one of the funniest running gags in the series. It was also the last time David ran away from home.

Sorry, Alexis

“Why Must You Be So Constantly Irksome?”

A split image of Alexis and Moira talking about her being irksome at the motel on Schitt's Creek

If Moira is upset or bothered by someone, she’s definitely going to let them know about it. In some ways, this is an admirable trait as it’s all right to speak your mind sometimes. However, she isn’t very concerned about other people’s feelings which can definitely be a problem.

Her impressive vocabulary when it comes to insulting people definitely makes fans laugh. Plus, she never fails to impress with her wide array of wigs. She said this line after Alexis continued questioning her about her middle name. Moira, of course, had no idea what Alexis’ middle name was, so she called her irksome.

Herb Ertlinger’s Wine Was That Bad

“This Wine Is Awful. Give Me Another Glass.”

This is another line from Schitt’s Creek that is highly relatable to a lot of people. At the end of a long day, winding down with a glass of wine can be comforting, even if the wine isn’t very good. Moira might go a little overboard at times when it comes to drinking, but she isn’t going to let that stop her from having a good time.

As an actress, it didn’t make sense that Moira didn’t do a great job at acting in a commercial for a local winery, but when the wine was that bad it was hard to sell it with a smile.

Her Choice Of Words Is Impecable

“With The Vigor Of A Wartime Radio Operator.”

A split image of Moira Rose in different scenes for Schitt's Creek

Some of the most entertaining things that Moira says have to do with using weird metaphors and analogies. She definitely has a unique way of talking about things that most people don’t. She is often in almost her own world that combines eccentricities of being rich and a low-level celebrity. It’s clear she often sees herself in some sort of drama that is playing out in her head, even if other people aren’t aware of it.

Moira said this line after manding the front desk at Rosebud Motel. While she thought she sounded like a “wartime radio operator,” she actually scared off the guest she spoke with.

That Time She Was Proud Of Her Kids

“You Are Blind To Reality And For That I Am Most Proud.”

Moira Rose stands with Johnny as Alexis hugs her on Schitt's Creek

This line is said in the second episode of the first season, and it gives great insight into who Moira is as a character. She says this to her children as they are adjusting to the reality of their new situation. It’s no wonder she’s proud of the fact that they aren’t aware of reality because Moira herself isn’t either. While the entire family has to get real with reality quickly, they do adjust by the end of the series. In fact, the last few seasons were some of the best because it showed their complete transformation.

NEXT: Every Season Of Schitt’s Creek, Ranked From Worst To Best

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